Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
