the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
