no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
