make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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