Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
