you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
