It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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