I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
