so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
