does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
