Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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