I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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