Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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