I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
