just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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