SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
