I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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