I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
