i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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