Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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