morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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