I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
