Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
