If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
