Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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