why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i dont even know how to be here
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
