I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
