all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
