I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
