You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
