I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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