mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
