i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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