John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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