Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize