I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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