3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
