And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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