quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
