i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
