Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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