maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
