Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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