Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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