The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
