something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
