im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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