planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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