I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
