Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
