this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
